Lasting change doesn't come from doing more—it comes from becoming someone different. Instead of asking "What should I do?" ask "Who do I want to be?" For example, instead of telling yourself "I need to reply to emails faster and speak up more in meetings", try "I want to be someone people can rely on and who contributes valuable ideas."
Why?
When you frame it this way, responding promptly to emails isn't another chore on your list—it's simply what a reliable person does. Speaking up in meetings stops feeling like forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and starts feeling like living up to who you are. The actions flow naturally from the identity, rather than feeling like obligations you're constantly failing to meet.
You know it’s working when:
Actions that once required willpower now feel automatic
You maintain these behaviours consistently
You catch yourself saying "I am" instead of "I'm trying to be" when describing these qualities
