Ask yourself what the other person needs from the conversation and switch your listening/questioning stance to hear (just listen), help (offer practical advice) or hug (ask questions to unpack what’s on their mind).
Why?
The 3H system (from Supercommunicators’ by Charles Duhigg) serves as a quick filter to match your response to the specific need. Providing the right kind of support at the right time builds trust and psychological safety. When people feel truly understood, they are more likely to confide in the helper in the future.
You know it’s working when:
The speaker's distress softens when you correctly identify the need and respond appropriately
The other person openly expresses gratitude that is specific to the type of support given.
You feel less confused and drained after the conversation
